Week 5- I had just found out about the baby and didn't know exactly how far along I was. If I were to guess, it had happened about two weeks before taking the test. Despite being surprised, overwhelmed and unable to comprehend how my life would change, I felt excitement growing in my chest. I tempered this, though. As one friend put it, the pregnancy could've just been chemical.
I bought prenatal vitamins because I didn't know what else to do. Morning sickness and fatigue kicked in a couple days later. I thought the entire pregnancy was just in my head, but I quit smoking and told a few of my sisters about the imaginary pregnancy anyway. All were excited and assured me my mom would be completely thrilled. I thought it was nice of them to lie to me.
Week 6- I went to my first appointment with Doctor Yun. I chose her because my friend assured me that all the women there were very pretty (they were) and I didn't have the wherewithal or energy to research OBGYNs. Dr Yun wasn't particularly friendly, but she confirmed that I was, in fact, pregnant. She administered an ultrasound and found nothing. It was still too early.
I shook as I called my mom to tell her. My sister's were right, she was happy. She said, "children are always a blessing."
I felt weirder than ever. Apparently, I was old enough to have a baby and have it not be tragedy.
Week 7- Life continues to happen around me as if nothing were different. I went to work, barfed and helped customers through gritted teeth. With no belly to speak of, I wasn't afforded the special treatment usually reserved for pregnant women. For all the bakery patrons knew, I was just an asshole.
Week 8- Still had overwhelming morning sickness and was back at the doctor's office, feeling miserable and confused. She did another ultrasound and found this peanut.
It didn't even look like a baby, let alone a tadpole, so she had to label it for me. I felt disappointed with myself for not having an emotional reaction to that picture.
Weeks 9 through 11- Nothing of interest happened beyond not eating, barfing up everything I did consume and sleeping. I didn't even have a baby bump to show for it. I had my doubts that it was even viable at this point.
Week 12- I saw the baby and heard the heart beat for the first time at my third Dr's appointment. My heart jumped. I started to realize that my baby was really coming and that I'd probably really love it.