Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Baby Bump Chronicles in a Nut Shell: the first trimester

Week 5- I had just found out about the baby and didn't know exactly how far along I was.  If I were to guess, it had happened about two weeks before taking the test.  Despite being surprised, overwhelmed and unable to comprehend how my life would change, I felt excitement growing in my chest.  I tempered this, though.  As one friend put it, the pregnancy could've just been chemical.  
I worried over how I'd tell my mom.  She was certainly going to reprimand me for getting knocked up so young and out of wedlock.  If she gave me any grief, I imagined I would just firmly say, "mom, I may be only 28, but I think it's time I start making my own decisions." 

I bought prenatal vitamins because I didn't know what else to do.  Morning sickness and fatigue kicked in a couple days later.  I thought the entire pregnancy was just in my head, but I quit smoking and told a few of my sisters about the imaginary pregnancy anyway.  All were excited and assured me my mom would be completely thrilled.  I thought it was nice of them to lie to me.

Week 6- I went to my first appointment with Doctor Yun.  I chose her because my friend assured me that all the women there were very pretty (they were) and I didn't have the wherewithal or energy to research OBGYNs.   Dr Yun wasn't particularly friendly, but she confirmed that I was, in fact, pregnant.  She administered an ultrasound and found nothing.  It was still too early.

I shook as I called my mom to tell her.  My sister's were right, she was happy.  She said, "children are always a blessing."

I felt weirder than ever.  Apparently, I was old enough to have a baby and have it not be  tragedy.  

Week 7- Life continues to happen around me as if nothing were different. I went to work, barfed and helped customers through gritted teeth.  With no belly to speak of, I wasn't afforded the special treatment usually reserved for pregnant women.  For all the bakery patrons knew, I was just an asshole. 

Week 8- Still had overwhelming morning sickness and was back at the doctor's office, feeling miserable and confused.  She did another ultrasound and found this peanut.

It didn't even look like a baby, let alone a tadpole, so she had to label it for me.  I felt disappointed with myself for not having an emotional reaction to that picture.

Weeks 9 through 11- Nothing of interest happened beyond not eating, barfing up everything I did consume and sleeping. I didn't even have a baby bump to show for it.  I had my doubts that it was even viable at this point.

Week 12- I saw the baby and heard the heart beat for the first time at my third Dr's appointment.  My heart jumped.  I started to realize that my baby was really coming and that I'd probably really love it.

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